Oklahoma drivers suck donkey balls

This weekend, The Mr. and I drove about 500 lbs of books down to the new apartment.  Aside from the fact that I thought my car was going to die under the weight of the books, and aside from the fact that neither one of us slept Saturday night, the trip down there was rather enjoyable.

The drive back on Sunday, however, was downright miserable...for an hour...

(this is a long one...continue with caution)

A whole hour...to make drive a fucking 6-mile stretch on the highway.

9:30pm on a Sunday night.  The road was blocked off up ahead.  A construction sign flashed at us, "Left lane closed ahead, 5 miles".

"No problem," we thought.  "Traffic has been zipping along nicely (read: we've been zipping along nicely through the slow-ass Oklahoma-let's-all-drive-15-miles-below-the-speed-limit traffic), it shouldn't add more than 5 min to the drive."

Right.

No sooner had we passed the sign did traffic come to a halt.  No, I don't mean it got dreadfully slow...I mean it came to a complete fucking stop.  We had 5 miles until we even reached the construction area.

What the fuck?

After inching along slowly for 10 min...after everyone was out of the left lane for as far as the eye could see and no one trying to merge anymore, as The Mr.'s left knee was going numb and I was getting seasick from him doing the Riverdance on my clutch...we came to the shocking realization that maybe we weren't going to get out of this so quickly.

In fact, we hadn't even moved a full mile from the original sign.

"There must be a wreck up there," we thought.  "Surely, some asshole merged up ahead and caused a wreck or something.  Why else would we be inching along at 3 miles per hour?"

Another 20 minutes went by.  Another construction sign taunted us, "Left lane closed ahead, 3 miles".

Holy shitballs!  30 minutes to inch through 2 miles???

"Someone had better be fucking dead up there," we thought.

Lather, rinse, repeat for another 20 min....then...

FINALLY!

We saw cones up in the distance!  Cones!  That meant we were finally at the construction site.

But wait...where were the emergency vehicles?  Where were the cop cars?  EMS?  Fire trucks?  You mean we sat there for 40 fucking minutes and no one was dead or gravely injured?

Rage ensued.

It made no logical sense.  50 minutes to cover 5 miles, no one had tried to merge for 5 miles, no accidents up ahead, why the fuck was it 10:20pm?  Were Oklahoma drivers really that stupid that they can't drive the posted 60mph through the construction zone like normal people?

"I'll bet they're not even working on the road up there," I said.

"Yeah, no shit!" said The Mr...followed by a string of profanities.  Once the swearing subsided, he said, "It looks like they're moving up there.  They might be going 20-25 mph."

"Great, maybe we'll get the fuck out of this!"

Of course, after having said that, it took us another 5 minutes just to reach the construction zone...and sure enough, there were no workers present.  Not a fucking one.

The construction zone lasted for about a mile...during which, our speed fluctuated between 10-30mph.

"Yeah, watch...once we're out of here, they'll split up and take up 2 fucking lanes to drive 20 miles below the speed limit," The Mr. said.

But then...oh, then...the construction zone ended.  The cones in the left lane tapered off to open up the lane again.  Wait...they weren't moving over.  Why the fuck weren't they moving over?  The construction zone had ended.  The speed limit sign said 70.  The right lane was still poking along at 30mph.  Why were they going so slow?  Why the fuck weren't they moving over?

WHO THE FUCK CARED???  THIS WAS OUR CHANCE TO BREAK FREE!

Oh, such sweet, post-rage, over-accelerated, clutch burning bliss.

We were so pissed off by the time we made it through that we (and by we, I mean The Mr.) turned the remaining 30 minute drive home into an 18 minute drive.

The funniest (read: saddest) part is that once we zipped over into the left lane and pulled away from it all, no one followed us, and people kept driving 30mph for a good mile or so.  I mean seriously...did they not notice that the construction zone had ended and that the speed limit was back up to 70?  Oh wait...I forgot who I was talking about here.  These are the same people that drive 30 in a 40 zone, taking up both lanes so no passing can be done by the people who actually want to drive the speed limit.

Fuckers.  I hate them all.

 

On a brighter note, I did manage to get a video of the new apartment (since I never got around to it the last time we moved)...